Lemon Tree Tales

Why we chose Vancouver

It's been two and a half months since Steve died. At times it doesn't feel like it actually happened and then at other times I'm more than aware of it. We tried to prepare ourselves for this outcome but still I don't think you can ever 100% be ready for this to happen. I've been asked by quite a few people if I'm going to sell the house and move back to LA. Well, I'm guessing that not a lot of you were aware of this, but Steve and I knew that this was a very likely outcome for us. The odds weren't in our favor for a transplant but we operated under the hopes that maybe we'd get one but prepared for the worse case scenario just in case.

So before we chose a place to move to from the bay area of CA ... we asked ourselves a few questions. First we needed a place with Kaiser because they were taking such great care of Steve and he was born into that health system .. we didn't feel the need to experiment at this late stage of the game. Second, where could we be happy together? And finally third, where would I be happy when the time came and I was alone once again? Although we both were born and raised in LA and soCAL, the thought of moving back down there just upset both of us tremendously. The traffic, number of people, the fast-paced lifestyle just wasn't something that either of us were wanting to experience again on a daily basis.

Time and again we were drawn to the PNW. It is green! It reminded us of our times in Ireland and Scotland. The people are friendly! We knew quite a few people living up here already. And of course the dogs all hailed from here .. so in a way we were going home again, just not to our birthplace but to that of the F-troop. There's also the racetrack nearby although Steve didn't quite make it to the summer races. And there's a big art community in Portland and lots of quilters around for me. The bonus was in finding such a nice community at the local shul.

Steve also really wanted a place with a view. Originally he wanted acreage and we did look at some of those homes. But I began to freak out about having to learn how to ride a tractor to mow the acres and just not being thrilled about living so far away from other people. So Steve was sweet and said that we should go ahead and look at new builds so that I wouldn't have to worry about major home maintenance issues for at least a decade or so.

A year ago in February of 2018, on a dark and stormy day (try not to picture Snoopy on top of his doghouse while reading that ... LOL), we found this community quite by accident. When we got out of the car and looked out over the land towards the water we fell in love with the location and view. We moved in on November 9th 2018 and had six months together here. Every day we discovered something new and exciting about our view. As much as possible I tried to decorate the areas where Steve spent most of his time (the great room, kitchen and entry way) so that he wouldn't think that we were living in a hotel. We enjoyed our time here together very much, well if you can ignore the pain that he was in most of the time. And now I'm learning how to enjoy it here in the company of two of our dogs. I'm guessing that there will be quite a bit of time when it's hard, but Steve would have wanted us to be happy once again, to remember him with love and fondness and not spend too much time shedding more tears. He and I shed many over the years, this past year especially. The dogs and I will continue to live our lives in the house that Steve and I built together. As always, he is loved and missed.

In Memoriam of Steve Levin

After three very long and hard years fighting the good fight against advanced liver cirrhosis, Steve's kidneys began to deteriorate in March. Finally we went to the ER in early April where we discovered that his kidneys were failing. After being told by many doctors that we no longer needed to try to make the trip to Arizona to try and get a liver transplant at the Mayo Clinic, we knew what they really were telling us. So we checked out of the hospital. Kaiser accepted Steve to their hospice program. He was able to spend three weeks saying goodbyes to family and friends. Some of those goodbyes were online, via phone and a few made the trip to see him in person. It was a bittersweet time.

On Thursday May 2 in the wee hours of the morning, my beloved Steve died peacefully at home. He wasn't in pain his final 24 hours and he managed to give me three gifts in those earlier hours of dying. He smiled twice while breathing heavily. The first was when I was playing music on my phone for him. I found What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong (our wedding song!) and then it transitioned to an Aerosmith song. Oops, I ran to change it and the hospice nurse said to wait that he must like it because there was the biggest smile on his face! A few moments later I told him that he was once again surrounded by a bevy of women at his bedside and that made him smile a second time. Then I told him that I loved him and he managed to gurgle back to me that he loved me too. Both the hospice nurse and the social worker understood it and looked at me. All three of us ladies then smiled and laughed. It was such a beautiful moment that my love gave me at the end.

His parents spent the entire day with him and were able to say goodbye to him late at night. In the wee hours it was just me holding his hand, the dogs and this wonderful CNA who woke me up for his last moment. I told him that I loved him, rubbed his shoulders and then told him that it was time, that it was okay to go. He then took two more deep breaths and suddenly was gone.

I was so happy that he didn't have any pain at the end. He held off of using the pain meds for a very long time so that he could make phone calls and have those last visits with special people. After his brother saw him on Sunday he said that it was time to give him some relief. Early on Tuesday morning his hospice nurse said to switch him to Morphine and most of that day he slept. We had one last conversation very late at night before he took his meds at midnight. I watched him fall asleep and then went to sleep myself.